The Tea Party

Today was a great day. Apart from the sexy weather and exquisite presents, I got to see a different and much hidden side to a normally uptight individual and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I mean how often do you get to see a person appealing to all your senses simultaneously? Anger and intense jealousy included?

One of the presents is a book called 'The life's too short literary review'. Just about the best and the most appropriate book ever for me. It's surprising when everything falls into place and like a work of art each gesture has hidden, multiple meaning to it.

However it's only appropriate the day should end on a queer note; and a tea party. I've never liked tea, and now for very valid reasons. I've been cursed with a very vivid imagination and a very annoying habit of paying utmost attention to fine details, right from choosing the wardrobe (blue shirt) to eyeing the strap .. dreadful I tell you. But it ain't that bad, as it should be. Simply because in my life's story they are (hosts) mere supporting, unwanted, much important characters. Little do I know whose playing the supporting role and who the main character? I bet even the hero can't differentiate anymore either!

I will remember today as one of the best days of my life. Simply because I saw a man morph into a romantic who put in a lot of thought and effort for book marking today for me. However I do hope with all my heart the girl spills the tea on herself.

OVOT.

Rant.

The most heartless person must have once loved most passionately. I very strongly believe that. The transition from one extreme to another is quiet hurtful to say the least. However for self-preservation it is very important.

Spacing out is so much fun, so relaxing. Another one of those self preservation things. We all try to save ourselves, build this wall that perhaps also blocks the sweet taste of selflessness. Selflessness can be so goddamn heart wrenching, but the satisfaction of doing justice to the love you have for people sort of compensates for the pain. Keyword: Sort of.

Have developed quiet a liking for Twitter and Piers Morgan. The man does a fantastic job at nailing people. Also quiet bugged about the whole Hugh Hefner baloney and Casey Anthony's drama. Two years and no incriminating evidence and a very ill-looking, bullshitting defense attorney is a piss off.

Looking forward to October. Hopefully things will pan out the way I plan.

   

Intravenous

The inability to understand the intensity of pain is a severe problem. Human beings can be strange at times, the biggest issue doesn’t bother them and at times the most trivial things end up shaking them horribly.

Very early in life I had through experience learnt never to invade someone's private space. In the flow of emotions I forgot my own lesson, any now I have to pay. Severe punishment for violating my belief. 

"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain"

Face to Face

We dream for big things. For success, wealth etc, we aspire to be great individuals and in our own way try to achieve what we want out of life. Some of us succeed, most of us don't. A quarter of our wishes come true while some fade away.

Some basic things in life – principles if you may you never violate, and feel very strongly about them. However for reasons known and unknown you let yourself go, your essence; you end up violating your own principles and whatever the circumstances no ones to blame except yourself.

The toughest thing in life is to come face to face with who you are, to judge yourself. You deviate from who you were suppose to be and you end up hating your existence. I hope if you falter dangerously you have it in you to forgive yourself.

For now it seems impossible.   

Picture Perfect

Old photographs can be such a nuisance. It makes you think if you've done justice to what was expected of you the day you were born. The hope and the happiness of your past life come in direct clash with your present state and aspirations. Wonder if given the opportunity we'd somehow erase some memories and moments captured by the camera. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, I believe a picture can be worth a thousand traumas.  

Photographs hide the ugly side of life, the ugly truth behind those perfect moments. Even the most candid of them fail to show the gruesomeness of life. I wonder can you ever tell looking at a person that he/she is capable of ruining multiple lives and then very nonchalantly after decades apologize for his/her "mistake" ? And what should the victims do? After years of secrecy and veil of decency has been lifted how does one forgive and live life like nothing ever happened? It is said that God forgives the biggest of the sins if a person asks forgiveness genuinely, but then I've always been against emulating God.

How does one forgive and learn to live without pain when a person has always been subjected to it and very happily believes that it is what's keept them going?  I wonder how does one begin again without all the hate and vengeance? How does one accept the love of the person they hate the most?

A part of me wants to help an acquaintance going through the trauma rather the moral dilemma of forgiving someone they once loved more than God Himself, but I am glad I can't. I can't imagine the awkwardness I'd be in if I had to answer these questions. I can't even tell the person to be strong because, they have been blamed yet again for everything falling apart and did try to erase the part where they made the mistake of existing in the first place. Yet today after seeing them from afar I do think that they are the loneliest a person can ever be. The apology took with it their only refuge...of belongingness. The hate, anger, trauma which was their solace and best friend has been separated from them. The person stands at a point of saving themselves or saving a few others they love.

I await the decision ….

Dove ...

I believe you should practice what you preach. Or just don't preach. You let the world be as it is because you yourself don't have the balls to follow what you supposedly want the world – significant other to practice.

Nostalgia seldom bothers me. Today is a different story. I'd like to go some five years back in time. Hold on to myself a little more tightly, because in the name of love I've lost myself vastly. For the love of certain relations, for the love of happiness, for the love of adventour I've kind of seemed to have lost my essence.

I stand at a point where any decision I take is going to alter the lives of many, and amidst all of this everyone is being obnoxious and silly. I fail to understand how is it any of my fault that people don't know of our existence on a much higher level? Everything that seemed to have impressed is now the point of contention for baseless accusations.

I miss my peeps from New York. Their fuckwittery the most. Can't wait the next two years to end.

-OVOT

Junkie to the Core.

Some questions have no answers. Some problems are hard to identify. What is the problem really? From afar it seems a dream worth sacrificing your life for, but the nearer you get the more cracks you count, the more gusts of errant decisions sweep you off the ground.

The deeper you dig, shallower it gets. In perhaps putting life together I've managed to break it to tiny undistinguishable pieces. It has its moments but then the graveness of the situation jolts me back. Somewhere in the middle of existing, I stopped questioning, and now deep in my conscience a demon is rising to boldly ask what I dread most. Is it enough? Is it ever going to be enough? Was it just an option? Regrets maybe? Is there any other way? Is it reciprocated?

I can't quite list down the repercussions. Today, yet again I've been awakened rather rudely and quite frankly it's very liberating. I am free of any shackles or bonds that made me question my own intensions and dedication to some of the most important things in life.

Cursed are those who understand. They can't seem to never -not understand, and this will perhaps be the reason for their downfall. It's easier to not be able to digest everything, gives one, leverage.  

My World is too vast, too dynamic to stop at any interval in time. Morality aside it’s a harmless world that makes no apologies for being too far-fetched.

I hope this dawn lets me destroy the darkness of the moment from the history of my life.

-OVOT

Coke, Drag and Friday the 13th

There are a lot of things in life that one cannot control, and these things bite your ass the hardest. There is no cure for obsession, and no way to control passion. The sooner you understand, the clearer your path becomes. Some things in life are absolute, regardless of their title, and it's imperative that one identifies them quickly. In the midst of the uncertainties, hope, crises, dilemma, matters of the heart and mind, I'm proud to have a few things that are absolute in absolutely every sense of the word. Entwined with the soul if you may.

The weather is such a piss off, makes me so cranky. This month has been so crucial in terms of soul searching. Got a lot of things right that were due rectification since forever, have realized that world really is a shallow place. People can be really shallow, and most often than not your stance might be taken as gibberish and fail to register in other peoples' mind. I laugh at the naivety of people at times who are trapped in a circle so small for so long that nothing in the world would let them break free.

Whenever I was asked about the most memorable day of my life, I'd stare at them and ponder upon their dumb question, and realize that there really wasn't a day that I could think of, until now. Friday the 13^th is a day that I lived my whole life in.

A lot of things have managed to disappoint me vastly this month, and Coke Studio was the final straw. The worst episode so far. Can't believe Rohail Hayatt for producing such utter nonsense. Although looking forward to Abu Farid's performance next episode.

-OVOT

Fatal Attraction

You'd think strange events and stranger people would freak a person out, but what if I tell you that I absolutely love such people and such events?

I've been by the grace of Almighty blessed with world class psychos that have taken over all my senses and my life. You hear about obsessive psychopaths with extreme, obsessive behaviors who would do anything for love in a fit of rage or dead calm of their emotions but you seldom get to see them. I didn't of late realize that I was surrounded by them and frankly speaking it shakes me to my core.

I have a psycho in me too, however it's under layers and layers of self control. Good thing it is, because the people I'm surrounded with are pretty out of control, extremists (with reference to their emotions, feelings, actions and decisions pertaining to them and their subject) and when two lose control it's well … not very nice.

In a moment these individuals can lose and screw themselves and their subjects. They screw themselves more with their misplaced sense of reasoning, love and destroy everything in a moment. All in the name of love.

It's eerie, cold, uncanny, disturbing and very soul-numbing. The more I realize the intensity of their psychosis, the more they unravel it by their actions the more they jolt me and I get a creepy, a very sending-shivers-down-the-spine kind of feeling of being loved immensely. Completely. Totally. Obsessively.

They are my catharsis and I am there's. I can't do without their psychosis and they can't do without my complete submission to their psychosis. I am not ashamed to accept that I love psychopaths. The obsessive ones who have nothing and everything to lose who put everything on stake so nonchalantly as if it's nothing but a walk in the park. The ones who in their moment of utter, complete trance think of nothing and reach a point of no return with an ease that would baffle any sane mind.

It's a transition from Psycho A to Psycho B. In between I've had the privilege (sic) of meeting pseudo-psychos too who well did what they were capable of yet failed miserably because they weren't psychotic enough.

There is a pleasure sure
In being mad, which none but madmen know
-Dryden, 'The Spanish Friar'

 OVOT

Freaky Friday - replugged

The past few days have been filled with so many exciting events that it is difficult to assimilate all of it in one single chapter. The beginning of the week kicked off with some very audacious, life threatening stunts pulled on from my end and some life inspiring, courageous acts of bravery pulled from the other end. Needless to say the latter has given me strength and a bare Myocardial infarction.

Always wondered all through my (very young years of existence) what could numb my senses? What does numbing ones senses actually mean?  What can be so overpowering that it clings on to you every moment and makes aware of it self at the most freaky hours of the day and night? To my utter good luck and extreme inconvenience I've realised what can truly numb my senses.

It's this smell, this fragrance, this aroma that drives me wild. At times it's so mild and so distant that my heart palpitates and I draw in obscene amount of breath and hold it for the longest time so that I can enjoy it a little more. I try to cling on to it like for the longest time, as long as my lungs allow me to hold my breath. A fear grows deep inside me of  it completely vanishing.

At times however it is so strong that I turn around to see a human figure embodying the smell, anything to make it more real and more sensible. Believe you me it's a sensation that I've never felt before. It's my new solace, my shelter and my new drug.

A sane mind would say that it's supposed to freak me out, but it doesn't. It makes me feel empowered. I know the source of it, although I don't carry the actual source with me, I come in contact with it probably thrice a week sometimes not even that, YET it just stays with me.

Whenever I've read war time novels, I've wondered with a strong sense of detachment how could a mother, a lover, and a wife sent their man off to war? What goes on in their hearts to all of a sudden find out that their beloved has to report to duty and leave all by himself, battling for his life , never knowing what might just happen. No source of contact whatsoever and the uncertainties … The only difference is that he has a battalion and I fight and wait alone.

Like I repeatedly say, it's my God, against their Angel; it's my faith against their doubts. I wait for the soldier to return in full glory and claim what is rightfully his…

"The devil of a man exercises a fascination on me that I cannot explain even to myself, and in such a degree that, though I fear neither God nor devil, when I am in his presence I am ready to tremble like a child, and he could make me go through the eye of a needle to throw myself into the fire."

-General Vandamme, on Napoleon Bonaparte

OVOT 

   

Heaven Abode

It's not death itself that hurts, but death of a kind man that's painful. I didn't know him personally, just took a course with him in the summer of 2008 which ended in approx three months, but in those three months I grew to respect him (which seldom happens); as a person. He would never shy away from answering the most irritating questions and more than that he was a kind teacher. How many people would smile and be polite and exchange pleasantries without any reason? How many teachers would go an extra mile to make their students comfortable? Sadly not many … and now there's one less a person who did.  

His family lost a kind man and we lost a kind, loyal teacher. Amidst other sulky, angry inefficient teachers, the man was nothing less than an asset.

Mr. Shamim Khan is going to be missed profusely. May his soul rest in peace (Amen) 

You got mail !

Dear God,

Sometimes I wonder is Heaven as chaotic and esoteric a place like Earth? The thought depresses me at times, because you see Earth isn't all that. To be honest it’s a pretty pathetic place for a 21 year old girl with a pansy heart. For starters what's with these eastern men and their obsession with marriage? Women get all the blame but ground reality paints a different picture. It's never I love you, it's always I love you and want to marry you. Why can't it just be I love you, end of story? Why this grotesque devious connotation of love?

I also, dear God, find it quiet uncanny and unjust that the most honest human beings have to go through tribulations that test their patience, values and truthfulness to the utmost. There are people whose strength and integrity I can only marvel, who earn respect (and there aren't many people I respect) through their actions and values rather than their status or position, their pride and arrogance; a tribute to their hardships and their struggle to make themselves better with each passing day, never shying away from hard work. Sounds too good to be true, but I've been blessed with two such individuals and I'm quiet thankful to You for them. I've also noticed, dear God, that people who denounce You, who refuse to even believe in Your existence live life king size, and then there's this thing about poverty, illness etc …. Nietzsche was so right when he said that one is punished most for one's virtues.

 

Don't you find us human beings stupid? I find us very stupid and delusional. We sort of believe that we matter in Your grand of scheme of things, just a way to humor ourselves. Talk about self effacement. We're also naïve enough to believe that we have the power to destroy Mother Earth through our actions, never mind the fact that She has destroyed human and other races so many times that it's tough to record, new mysteries are unraveled every day. We also like to humor ourselves now and then thinking we have power and control over Your domain.

However I've got to give it You for creating the funniest thing possible; a man's EGO. It never ceases to humor /amuse me. I mean yeah you made Bush, Nawaz Shairf, Firdous Awan ( a serious mishap) and other total waste-of-space-entities, but EGO is hands down the winner. I love the way a man hides his incompetency behind his EGO and calls it, his pride. I find those individuals who mistake their lack of self-respect/esteem for their tolerance, and don't-give-no-fuck attitude more hilarious. It's a weird balance You got there God, but then it is Your space after all.

There are like a million other things I gotta discuss with you but later. Love you much.

OVOT

  

Dum Maro Dum ... Contraption of sorts.

Human beings created numbers, alphabets, codes, languages and sciences to satisfy their need for expression, structure and organization primarily. We divided the world into regions, hemispheres, poles, so much so that we drew up imaginary lines to give sense to the world and its phenomena.

 Human history upon closer inspection will show that the progress of human mind was very sequential, wouldn't have been possible without Divine intervention. As we progressed, our need for understanding of systems developed with us. Rightfully so we have an insatiable thirst for reason, system and some form of classification as per our own standards, as flawed as they maybe.

This world is a dynamic flux of growth and decay, never will human beings in whatever time, be able to unveil all the mysteries, and secrets of the world, even though human race has been on the planet for trillions of years.

When we define things we separate them into discrete parts, even though the world is continuous, a seamless cloth. Once we name an object it becomes manageable, controllable, un-elusive, losing its mystery and independence and thus open to exploitation. What you don't know, scares you, therefore fear is nothing but your lack of knowledge.

To define gives people the illusion of power and control while falsifying the boundlessness and indivisibility of nature, making it quiet banal. The human nature to define, label and systemize therefore barricades them from the fluidity of thought and invincibility of themselves and nature. We're caught in own fabrication of standards and definition. We're either wrong or right, it's either yes or no, it's either my way or the highway, seldom a middle more fluid, less rigid part we opt for. We limit ourselves in order to understand ourselves, and when we fail to classify our being, we end up losing our wits, succumbing into our own pressure and inhibiting ourselves.

There are people and events which can never be classified or labeled as much as we like them to be. They baffle us, and refuse to be what the world wants them to be, due to its sheer insecurities and complexities. Free spiritedness generally doesn't gel with most. When we label, we basically give a name to our own insecurities.

The less viscous the liquid, the more it flows into dimensions that viscous liquid will never know of. So exist as you want to, with who you want to, uninhibited, with a clear conscience. The only responsibility you have is towards yourself and select few you care for. This world is your canvas; so paint as you may. 

OVOT

George .. I suggest you take a cold shower.

George F has been doing the rounds recently after his rather whiny piece appeared in English daily.  The purpose of that piece was as confusing as his stance which became self contradictory towards the end. I didn't quite understand if it was a farewell post, a mental state, a way to give importance to his departure or a list of all those unfortunate events or reasons of which each inhabitant of this country is well aware of?

 G wants to give his son a stable present and a promising future, which is more than justified. Every rational person would. I believe I'm quiet irrational, and rightfully so. No doubt this country is going to the dogs (literally) and yes we maybe be sinking into a bottomless pit, but I for one refuse to give up and find a way out. This country gives people opportunities, it has and it will continue to. Not equal I agree but opportunity nevertheless. As the crème de la crème of the society we are privileged to live the lives we are living. I see people from quiet stable backgrounds whining and complaining about how this country is useless and how it hasn't done anything for them, but then I wonder what have they done for the country except act as a liability? There are people who've stayed here, fought their way and have become who they've wanted to be and these individuals continue to strive for excellence. Not everyone wants an easy way out. George found an easy way out, and no issues there, because he has every right to choose a life that he deems fit , but he sure as hell doesn't get the right to talk so hopelessly about a country that is still a beacon of hope for many. Yes there are obstacles, more than we can imagine but there sure are people living in this country willing to fight till their last breath for this country for themselves and for the greater good of its citizens. By implying that his little Faiz deserves better, he is simultaneously implying that we’ve never had or never seen better and while we continue to live in privation he'd be making a better life for himself out there and while he is opting a better life for his child, the ones who live here are not doing so.

I am irrational, optimistic and addicted to self destruction and there are quiet a bunch of us like that out there who love this country in spite of its shortcomings. There is a security threat to all of us YET we wake up every morning and dream for a better future.  We like to blame others for our shortcomings and grievances and we have a plethora of adverse events, and God's apparent wrath (Mullahs) bestowed upon us, our cricketers with their smart moves and tax evaders and corruption and a very convoluted notion of liberalism, there is no denying that we are probably the most twisted nation on God's earth but we still have the fight to fight this for as long as we can. Our cricketers are still out playing in spite of the bad publicity and wining 3 out of 4 matches. Our musicians regardless of the downfall of the music industry come out with great stuff, we churn out more fashion designers every year than wheat, we accept our follies and try to deal with and more importantly we dream! A nation that has been exploited since its birth finds a reason still to believe and dream and move forward. Besides, what is wrong with hyper-patriotism ? 

This is a nation that wants to move on but has perpetual pms-ers who do NOTHING but wine and look at verbose articles by a gora who btw is such a dramatic quitter that he had to write two pieces regarding his "divorce" from a country that housed him for nine years and made him a somebody from a nobody.

You chose to quit dear Georgy and no qualms about it but some of us choose not to. If holding hands is what you dreamt about then perhaps USA is the place for you, because living in Pakistan is not everyone's cup of tea, not everyone is a fighter and not everyone is a pansy and a coward. 

I have hope and I pray to God that it remains with me, because even though I have the opportunity to leave, I want to stay and make my life here. This country is my first love, my first and last addiction and my canvas.

It's not what he said, but how he said it wasn't proper As for you Georgy, we know our issues, let us deal with it. At least we have one less a whiner now.  

   

 OVOT 

I believe

I wrote about rituals a couple of weeks back that did not gel well with certain people. They resorted to unlawful means of making their point of view heard. I make no apologies to them and still stand by what I believe; however I do realize that the manner in which my post was taken out of context will not do justice to my stance. Therefore I have deleted the post. 

Pain's a tease ....

The thing about physical pain is quite simple; it hits you full force. It can be brought down by a few degrees by drugs but it lingers on for some time before completely vanishing and more often than not you know its source.

The thing about spiritual pain is rather complicated. The source is unknown, the pain is excruciating, the uproar of the conscience, the deafening silence of the emotions or emptiness of the being is unbearable. When the soul withers in pain and the heart palpitates aggressively, vehemently and all the senses deceive you with reality forcing you to embrace yourself to keep yourself together from scattering into a million unknown pieces is when you need to let go.

There are times when letting go is not an option, and the pain becomes inexhaustible. This tipping point is now the new pleasure. Something you'll spend your life with because some wounds are so beautiful that even the soul is ready to take the plunge.  

Better or for worse it's time to let it go … Always and Forever.

OVOT 

Jhooti Saali ... Capitalist Kutta

So Unilever results were announced today. Congratulations to all the successful corporate slaves who managed to bag a well rounded slavish position. Here's wishing you a happy dog-eat-dog corporate slavery. Those who didn't get in, well good luck with the other Corporate Whore, P&G.

February is a very special month. Some very special people were born this month, one lands tomorrow on his birthday. One turned legal and one started college.

This month marks the most important event in my life. It's a status update. It's surreal, far-fetching, beautiful and a little terrifying at the same time.  

I appreciate all my five peeps who know and support me, who put up with all my giggles and trance like state.  As for the real culprit, I'll deal with you in private. You're too precious for this world.  

OVOT

Cold Turkey

I didn't know life in Pakistan was one of privation until a dear friend went to Turkey. All hell broke loose.

She returned with a personal vengeance to personally compare everything in Pakistan to everything in Turkey. Bottled water, air, boys, girls, food, juice, inflation, shopping, you name it and my chick would have a detailed synopsis of everything down to the different levels of Nitrogen in found in both the countries air.

Oh what a joy to hear her croon to a patriot regarding the absurdities of life in Karachi. The same girl who yelled at me for not eating unhygienic roadside food located in weird locations with grotesque, unclean, silver utensils, thought the bottled water here didn’t taste "proper", as a matter of fact she got Turkish water with her.

The worst thing however was the harsh, rather crude effect of inflation she had to endure. While the whole world suffered from it a year or two ago, the lady love of my life, experienced it upon her arrival, its effect, some fifteen days ago. Doesn't matter that 1 Lira = 59 Rs and around three lacs blown over "extra-curricular activities" in Turkey, the mere God awful juice sold in our college's café that costs around 90 Rs., all of a sudden seemed exuberantly expensive .  

I do however agree with her on one thing. Education, but that's a serious matter, will discuss it later.

The girl who yelled at me regarding religion and my almost (according to her) blasphemous take on religion, who was so moral, that her compass ALWAYS pointed North, who didn't so much as let us THINK about doing anything remotely naughty, who controlled and bashed us whilst she was in Turkey, returned with all the above things lost to a barter trade. She came back with …wait for it…  Secularism!!

My sweet innocent pooh darrrling ! I mean all hail secularism but but ..Pooh and her sacrilegious view on some VERY crucial things was enough to send me reeling back to my hyper state (defense mechanism on experiencing weird things) .

Now all Lady Gaga can think of is Turkey. Like a FOB, twenty–one years mean nothing compared to the four months spent doing GOD knows what in Turkey. She's also become a girl. In a pansy sorta way. You know make up, lash curler and the works.

She also recently found out that intellect can be hell of a turn on. Doesn't matter I practically screamed at her every day that it is perhaps the BIGGEST turn on ever!  Doesn't matter that what I said previously she listened to it politely but paid no heed to it whatsoever, but upon experiencing almost the same things she now believes that perhaps it’s the only way to live.

Oh and her one-liners have improved considerably. She's known for her one-liners regarding sex and men. The one I found amusing the most regarding an incident,  " Rabia Khan, don't you see ? The thrust is intellectual not physical….well yes MAYBE physical but not for the time being"

She's become quiet patient too. Which is surprising, I presume its Turkey's weather or its dust particles, has to be. I mean everything about Turkey is so sacred it's like the whole city plunged itself in Ganges before pooh set her foot on it.

The damsel can't wait to go back. Each day is like an incident, one more black mark rather, in the book she is compiling against the gods she doesn't believe in anymore.

My love, I want you to hear this ghazal written by Insha, it's sappy but it's for you. I tell you in person why it matches your condition.

OVOT

Ignore the visuals.  

     

Body Shots

I've always wondered how far a loved one could go to consciously or sub-consciously sabotage the only ones who love them. Surprisingly, quiet far.   

Those who question my conduct, I'd like to ask, is there some special virtue in consistency? Well if there is, I can do without it.

Compassion barely matters, why should it anyway? Some misplaced sense of psycho-ness will always look at it some other way. As the leader of mindfuckers, you'd know the intention but yet again you oh so conveniently miss the point.

I agree with my fellow blogger. I don't get this need for intimacy; especially the physical one, especially when it’s The End? You'd think people who despise such intimacy would refrain from it.

Some things in life are too addictive, things one doesn't ever want to get rid off. One of them is a dirty needle.

OVOT   

Burst your bubble ?

People are besotted by assumptions. Isn't it silly how we fabricate our own lives with baseless, unreal, rather ostentatious assumptions regarding ourselves and people we fancy or loathe?

Man has, since the beginning of time, been a victim of his own assumptions. Assuming and then building his life upon and around it is a vice that people seldom believe they are attributed with. It takes courage to accept life as it is, and to look at incidents and events as they occur without assuming or exaggerating them.

I've seen people build their whole lives on assumptions and also seen it cripple down ruthlessly. There are times a person finds life excruciating, and fails to understand why things didn't turn out the way they should've but  it's stupid and very naïve to believe that rectifications can be made through countless assumptions.

Most fights, misunderstandings and troubles are caused by assumptions. Different people assuming different things silently and then acting upon it, on their own convenience, refusing to look at a situation without it. A lot of misery in the world can end if only people just stopped assuming.

A woman, many say have legitimate reason to assume since they have intuition that more than half the time comes true, but it’s a very tricky business, because you never know when hormones and emotions intervene, spinning an innocent assumption into a grotesque, harsh pseudo reality. Men assume because of their inflated, easily bruised ego. Isn't it easy to just manipulate situations through assumptions than get a blow on The Ego?

If only people could realize the magnanimity of their stupidity, they might just be able to save themselves and others from a lot of unwanted trouble. Some do, but then it's too late.

OVOT  

My Grim Reaper

January has been a very busy month. On one hand I was running high on paroxysms of passion and on the other hand lost two dear ones to death in a span of twenty days.  Life generally with me isn't about balance or neutrality; it's always swinging between two extremes.

Death isn't bad for the dead. It's the ones alive that dread death the most; literally and metaphorically speaking. The departed soul leaves behind mourners, who find it impossible to continue life, yet wouldn't want their own life to end.

A person dies every day. Similarly he/she is born everyday too. Depends what the person is inclined towards. A broken relationship, a rocky friendship, long lost lovers, friends, dreams; their end, ends a part of you. 

Death of that part inside you is at times buried with them and at times it isn't. Later they come to haunt you unless you make peace with them, and making peace with them would mean finally letting them go and that’s too big a price to pay.

 It's basically about opting between different levels of self-screwment. I usually go for the highest level.

For the ones departed, I hope and pray their souls rest in peace. If only you knew what gap you have left behind..

OVOT

I'll give the world to me ..

Wanted to write a farewell post for 2010, but given my pre and post New Year' activities I never got the time, so Imma write one today.

2010's been great for me. With a bitter sweet, wobbly start it ended on a marvelous note. During the year, I experienced a lot of things. Unadulterated Power being the best. I never knew a person could be so powerful yet so vulnerable at the same time, exhilarating I tell you. From being locked outside my house at the wee hours of the night to being stalked and spied upon it has been a great experience. The summers playing Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde almost everyday, losing a very precious gem in the fall and then finding out the psychotic side of some of the most important people in my life it's been a rollercoaster ride, needless to say I've loved every moment of it. Except that one point where I was very close to losing everything to 'New York', all was great.

 The beginning of this year, i.e. January 1, 2011 has been rather interesting. Got to exercise my self-adulation/vanity skills to the utmost without any remorse! That is truly an achievement for a person whose conscious is like a nagging mother-in-law, waiting to smash yo head with a rolling pin.

2011 Is going to be extremely busy and very important, the most important year of my young life so far. Not only do I have to survive, but fight my way through life and while being a survivor and a fighter have to some how also enjoy it. Sounds like one tedious job.

There are things that I'd like to change, things I'd finally will say goodbye to, things that'll leave me, things I'll have to leave, promises that I'll forget, promises made to me that'll be forgotten. Coming face to face with my darkest fears, finding new dimensions of my personality, and most importantly becoming more thankful, less whiny a person.

It's scary and exciting nevertheless to step into the 22^nd year of my existence. Got my own back on this one since its my own world that I'll be building.

2011, I embrace you, hoping you won't cheat on me. You're in competition with all the previous years. Lets together (I and you) make me proud.

OVOT