The Tea Party

Today was a great day. Apart from the sexy weather and exquisite presents, I got to see a different and much hidden side to a normally uptight individual and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I mean how often do you get to see a person appealing to all your senses simultaneously? Anger and intense jealousy included?

One of the presents is a book called 'The life's too short literary review'. Just about the best and the most appropriate book ever for me. It's surprising when everything falls into place and like a work of art each gesture has hidden, multiple meaning to it.

However it's only appropriate the day should end on a queer note; and a tea party. I've never liked tea, and now for very valid reasons. I've been cursed with a very vivid imagination and a very annoying habit of paying utmost attention to fine details, right from choosing the wardrobe (blue shirt) to eyeing the strap .. dreadful I tell you. But it ain't that bad, as it should be. Simply because in my life's story they are (hosts) mere supporting, unwanted, much important characters. Little do I know whose playing the supporting role and who the main character? I bet even the hero can't differentiate anymore either!

I will remember today as one of the best days of my life. Simply because I saw a man morph into a romantic who put in a lot of thought and effort for book marking today for me. However I do hope with all my heart the girl spills the tea on herself.

OVOT.

Rant.

The most heartless person must have once loved most passionately. I very strongly believe that. The transition from one extreme to another is quiet hurtful to say the least. However for self-preservation it is very important.

Spacing out is so much fun, so relaxing. Another one of those self preservation things. We all try to save ourselves, build this wall that perhaps also blocks the sweet taste of selflessness. Selflessness can be so goddamn heart wrenching, but the satisfaction of doing justice to the love you have for people sort of compensates for the pain. Keyword: Sort of.

Have developed quiet a liking for Twitter and Piers Morgan. The man does a fantastic job at nailing people. Also quiet bugged about the whole Hugh Hefner baloney and Casey Anthony's drama. Two years and no incriminating evidence and a very ill-looking, bullshitting defense attorney is a piss off.

Looking forward to October. Hopefully things will pan out the way I plan.

   

Intravenous

The inability to understand the intensity of pain is a severe problem. Human beings can be strange at times, the biggest issue doesn’t bother them and at times the most trivial things end up shaking them horribly.

Very early in life I had through experience learnt never to invade someone's private space. In the flow of emotions I forgot my own lesson, any now I have to pay. Severe punishment for violating my belief. 

"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain"

Face to Face

We dream for big things. For success, wealth etc, we aspire to be great individuals and in our own way try to achieve what we want out of life. Some of us succeed, most of us don't. A quarter of our wishes come true while some fade away.

Some basic things in life – principles if you may you never violate, and feel very strongly about them. However for reasons known and unknown you let yourself go, your essence; you end up violating your own principles and whatever the circumstances no ones to blame except yourself.

The toughest thing in life is to come face to face with who you are, to judge yourself. You deviate from who you were suppose to be and you end up hating your existence. I hope if you falter dangerously you have it in you to forgive yourself.

For now it seems impossible.   

Picture Perfect

Old photographs can be such a nuisance. It makes you think if you've done justice to what was expected of you the day you were born. The hope and the happiness of your past life come in direct clash with your present state and aspirations. Wonder if given the opportunity we'd somehow erase some memories and moments captured by the camera. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, I believe a picture can be worth a thousand traumas.  

Photographs hide the ugly side of life, the ugly truth behind those perfect moments. Even the most candid of them fail to show the gruesomeness of life. I wonder can you ever tell looking at a person that he/she is capable of ruining multiple lives and then very nonchalantly after decades apologize for his/her "mistake" ? And what should the victims do? After years of secrecy and veil of decency has been lifted how does one forgive and live life like nothing ever happened? It is said that God forgives the biggest of the sins if a person asks forgiveness genuinely, but then I've always been against emulating God.

How does one forgive and learn to live without pain when a person has always been subjected to it and very happily believes that it is what's keept them going?  I wonder how does one begin again without all the hate and vengeance? How does one accept the love of the person they hate the most?

A part of me wants to help an acquaintance going through the trauma rather the moral dilemma of forgiving someone they once loved more than God Himself, but I am glad I can't. I can't imagine the awkwardness I'd be in if I had to answer these questions. I can't even tell the person to be strong because, they have been blamed yet again for everything falling apart and did try to erase the part where they made the mistake of existing in the first place. Yet today after seeing them from afar I do think that they are the loneliest a person can ever be. The apology took with it their only refuge...of belongingness. The hate, anger, trauma which was their solace and best friend has been separated from them. The person stands at a point of saving themselves or saving a few others they love.

I await the decision ….